My Child Is Advanced

20140701-103542-38142349.jpgMy child is surprisingly advanced for his age. It’s nothing we’ve done, apart from obviously we enrolled him in Kumon aged 4 months, taught him phonics whilst still in the womb and had Darcey Bussell herself teaching him ballet since before he could walk (which he could do incredibly early, obviously). Like I say, natural, unbridled intelligence, maturity and – dare I say it – genius runs through his blood and out through his ability to recite the two times table in welsh (one of the languages in which he fluent).

You don’t believe me?

Some particular examples:


He sleeps like an adult. He wants to stay up late watching TV, reading and chatting and generally being irritating. He takes, at best, a Grandad nap during the day – 10 minutes on the sofa is fine by him. Ahead of his time, for sure.


He tantrums like a child at least twice his age. See: advanced. He gets angry because there is a teeny tiny speckle of porridge on his arm or because he can’t be simultaneously held and walk. His brain is obviously developing at quite a pace.


Toys? No thank you. My son is so advanced that his toys of choice are: iPhone, hair dryer, necklaces, any dangerous gardening equipment and various complicated installations of dining chairs in inappropriate places. Massively ahead of the curve, that lad.


Not only does my son have a thorough grasp of the English language (what do you mean every single vehicle isn’t a ‘race car’? pah.) he also has developed his own brilliant language that is sure to be used world over once he’s finished writing the manual. So we now all, as a family, refer to a drink as a gok, an apple as a poopah and a strawberry as a boobah. Not to mention hot (fuff) and cold (coy). The whole family is embracing his clear intellect and it definitely has nothing to do with the sheer relief of being able to kind of communicate with an angry toddler.

Interest in biology

Amongst his first actual words were poo poo and wee wee. Before being able to properly say Mummy or Daddy. This boy knows where his interests lie. I have notified the relevant exam boards that he will be taking his GCSE’s pretty damn early. Our daughter still doesn’t see these important biological bodily excretions as important to talk about so I figure my son is far ahead of his years in this respect too.

I could go on, but I wouldn’t like to embarrass anyone who doesn’t have quite such a special child.

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15 Responses to My Child Is Advanced

  1. Emma Draper says:

    Absolutely Fantastic Emma. Love it. x

  2. annie43 says:

    Oh Emma this did make me laugh. Our first born was very similar – having his own language which he and we used until he went to nursery. He didn’t say mummy until he was nearly 21/2 when he fell down the stairs and shouted it as he bumped on each stair. Just to encourage you he is now a ‘proper’ grown up who uses words all the time! He is a graphic designer running his own company and married with a beautiful wife. Enjoy this time with Wilbur and Joni- it goes oh so quickly and you will look back on these days with much fondness despite the tiredness etc……

    • bornin2011 says:

      thank you! That is encouraging 🙂 Thankfully Wilbur is so adorable that it makes it all ok! I think you are right, I am so aware of how precious the time is. We just had Joni’s first proper pre-school report and I was in floods of tears … MY BABY!

  3. hahah oh this had me laughing. I have an ‘advanced’ little boy too – especially the naps!

  4. Ha, this is absolutely brilliant! Oh and well done on raising a genius 😉

  5. This is brilliant haha, my 12 month old little boy is so clever he can read books upside down!
    Oh don’t you just love their little quirks lol

  6. Sandra Kelly says:

    Emma I laughed so much over this. Enjoy this period of childhood, it disappears so fast.

  7. Hee hee. He is very advanced. I am lucky enough to have an advanced child like that too. Also born in 2011, Jack takes a great interest in biology and has a particular interest in the human anatomical form. 🙂 #PoCoLo

  8. This is great, what a clever boy he is haha!! X #PoCoLo

  9. Caroline (Becoming a SAHM) says:

    Awesome post, pure genius! You have opened my eyes to how advanced my own child is 😉 xx #pocolo

  10. Brilliant take on kid stuff! I love it…I remember looking at it the same way with Grace but never put it in writing!! Thank you for linking to PoCoLo 🙂 x

  11. Yep you have a genius in there =) #pocolo

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