We got married on a very hot day in May 2010, so we are relatively new to this marriage game. It was a beautiful day, the sky was bright blue, the champagne was flowing, I walked down the aisle to our favourite Nick Cave song and my Dad married us.
We promised to be there for each other in good and bad times and to put each other first. My Dad talked in his address about being kind to one another – kindness has always been so important to me. We had a fantastic reception in a little barn with lots of sitting in the sun chatting and drinking wine. It was a brilliant day full of love.
We are relatively new to this marriage thing – but we jumped in head first and in the short length of our time as husband and wife we have had two children and moved house 3 times, I have started a charity and we have made and lost friends. It’s been busy. It hasn’t always been easy, it has been beautifully rich and full but not always easy.
We approached marriage from the unique perspective of having just been witness to a break up. My parents separated just before we were married and the harsh reality of the end of a long marriage was a strange place to start ours. We are a close family and we – to some degree – shared in the heartbreak and everything that went with it. So please don’t read this and think I am naive or arrogant. I understand that sometimes things happen that can’t be fixed.
I also understand why people choose not to get married – having children, homes and lives together are all big commitments and evidence enough of the bond and love between two people. For me though, marriage is separate from all those things. Whilst what happens within a relationship, day to day, is the most important thing I find that my wedding day, in all it’s love and beauty and hope, was the foundation for this. It is where we set the bar. It is where we took the time to make promises to one another.
Even though our marriage is young and I obviously do not have all (any) of the answers I take myself back to that day when times are hard. We talk about our relationship and where things could be better or where they are already good. I focus on why we made those vows and what they mean to me now. I am sure this helps us through hard times. Almost all of those promises have been tested in the last three years to some degree but i have realised recently that our relationship is stronger than ever. Our marriage is saving our marriage and I hope it continues to do so through the good and bad times (you know, until death us do part) – It is helping us focus on some of what is important in life: love, kindness, patience and forgiveness.
Because really, what is the point of a wedding day at all if it isn’t to be the benchmark for the rest of our lives – the happiest of days to set the scene for many more to come.