How My Marriage is Saving My Marriage

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We got married on a very hot day in May 2010, so we are relatively new to this marriage game. It was a beautiful day, the sky was bright blue, the champagne was flowing, I walked down the aisle to our favourite Nick Cave song and my Dad married us.

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We promised to be there for each other in good and bad times and to put each other first. My Dad talked in his address about being kind to one another – kindness has always been so important to me. We had a fantastic reception in a little barn with lots of sitting in the sun chatting and drinking wine. It was a brilliant day full of love.

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We are relatively new to this marriage thing – but we jumped in head first and in the short length of our time as husband and wife we have had two children and moved house 3 times, I have started a charity and we have made and lost friends. It’s been busy. It hasn’t always been easy, it has been beautifully rich and full but not always easy.

We approached marriage from the unique perspective of having just been witness to a break up. My parents separated just before we were married and the harsh reality of the end of a long marriage was a strange place to start ours. We are a close family and we – to some degree – shared in the heartbreak and everything that went with it. So please don’t read this and think I am naive or arrogant. I understand that sometimes things happen that can’t be fixed.

I also understand why people choose not to get married – having children, homes and lives together are all big commitments and evidence enough of the bond and love between two people. For me though, marriage is separate from all those things. Whilst what happens within a relationship, day to day, is the most important thing I find that my wedding day, in all it’s love and beauty and hope, was the foundation for this. It is where we set the bar. It is where we took the time to make promises to one another.

Even though our marriage is young and I obviously do not have all (any) of the answers I take myself back to that day when times are hard. We talk about our relationship and where things could be better or where they are already good. I focus on why we made those vows and what they mean to me now. I am sure this helps us through hard times. Almost all of those promises have been tested in the last three years to some degree but i have realised recently that our relationship is stronger than ever. Our marriage is saving our marriage and I hope it continues to do so through the good and bad times (you know, until death us do part) – It is helping us focus on some of what is important in life: love, kindness, patience and forgiveness.

Because really, what is the point of a wedding day at all if it isn’t to be the benchmark for the rest of our lives – the happiest of days to set the scene for many more to come.

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18 Responses to How My Marriage is Saving My Marriage

  1. Donna says:

    Really lovely post. We got married May 2009 so, like you, are still pretty new to all this! Like you I look back at that day often, especially when times are hard.
    Thanks for sharing x

  2. Jem says:

    Lovely post – nice to see how the “other half” life so to speak. Karl and I have been together some 13 years but it’s unlikely we’ll get married any time soon.

  3. Em / fearfulpenguin says:

    Beautiful post! I get married this coming May. I can’t wait to make those promises 🙂

  4. fritha says:

    you look amazing Emma! such lovely pictures and post. I can’t imagine how hard your parents separation must have been for you, it’s a really interesting piece. On one hand I love the concept of marriage and of the whole romantic side of it but I guess I’m confused as to where I stand on it and if it’s ever something I would want to do. Marriage isn’t something that is familiar to me as my parents never did it (and don’t ever plan on it although they have been together over 30 years) so it’s not something I’ve grown up with the idea of. When I think about us getting married I can just imagine it being a bit stressful, although the idea of eloping does cross my mind once or twice! xx

    • bornin2011 says:

      Thank you Fritha! My parents separating and divorcing was so hard, I nearly lost my relationship with my Mum – which was devastating but all has been restored now, thankfully.

      You make such an interesting point about how your upbringing shapes your thoughts and feelings. I often wonder if we’d have got married at all if my parents had separated earlier.

      I was rather tempted by eloping too … But I would have ended up telling loads of people and then they would have insisted on coming and it would have just been a wedding abroad! Ha! Xx

  5. Polly says:

    beautiful post, and you look gorgeous 🙂 We’ve been married 11 and a half years, together for 12 – we eloped on a whim and have never looked back. We got married simply because we wanted to, I don’t necessarily think that it is the only way to show commitment, but I have never regretted it 😀

  6. Lori says:

    Such a lovely, honest and touching post. It’s very easy to loose sight of everything when life gets a bit much, every now and then you need to take a step back and remember the promises you made and why you wanted to make them. x

  7. this is such a sweet post! sounds like it was a lovely day for you.

    i agree with much of what fritha said. i totally understand why people get married, but it’s just not for me. i’ve been with my boyfriend for ‘only’ 5 years now, and i’m so glad he has the same feelings about marriage as i do!

    • bornin2011 says:

      I think that’s exactly it – you both feeling the same is so important. I completely understand why some people don’t get married too. But for me it was a really important part of who I am, thanks for reading!

  8. Mumaleary says:

    That’s a really nice post. We are now 5 years in and I like to think that I am more in love with the man I married than ever before. Perhaps because being a parent exposes a whole new side to us all and you become more of a unit. Do you know what I mean?!

  9. What a lovely post. We will be celebrating our 10th anniversary in July and will be holding a wedding reunion to celebrate with those who supported us on the day and since. Like you, my parents ended their 25 year marriage shortly before we were married (about 3 weeks after our engagement), which definitely adds another dimension to how I view marriage. Thanks for reminding me that no matter how tough things get (especially when you have two children under 3 who do not sleep through the night) the importance of remembering the vows we made and the reason why we love eachother and committed ourselves to spend the rest of our lives together.

  10. suzanne3childrenandit says:

    Thank you so much for linking this up to my marriage/love linky. I definitely don’t think that marriage is the key to a relationship but it can cement something which is harder to break when the tough times (inevitably) rock up. Your wedding looked beautiful 🙂

  11. charlottebrown96236573 says:

    A lovely post and so very true x

  12. Both my husband and I come from “broken families” albeit ones where our parents split when we were children and yet getting married was always important to us, at least once we met. I’m not sure that I ever really wanted to until I met him, much like I’d never had this desire to have children until I met him.

    That said, like you I also completely understand and respect other couples decisions to not get married.

    A good post!

  13. this domain says:

    Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this blog loading?

    I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog.

    Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.

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