These last few weeks have been hard. I’ve been quiet. I’ve been trying not to moan. I know we don’t have it bad. But still, sometimes things are hard, relationships are tested and life doesn’t feel so easy. Unsure why I’ve been feeling this way. The comedown from our beautiful holiday, perhaps? Lack of sleep? Feeling like i’m still struggling to make friends and fit in almost 2 years after relocating?
Probably all of the above.
We had our first family of four holiday to the Isle of Wight a couple of weeks ago.
Whilst the weather wasn’t fantastic, the week itself was pretty great. Wilbur so very nearly mastered crawling and Joni’s speaking really improved. She now has an imaginary friend called Alan. We don’t know why. He made an appearance one afternoon, “mummy, there’s a boy in the lounge”
“Hiding behind the curtain”
“What’s his name?”
Alan had red hair and doesn’t like to play. “Alan no play, just watch”. (Trying my best not to find this creepy). He also, like me and Joni, is a friend of the nap. She often tells me she has to go and wake Alan up from his sleep. He only made one appearance on holiday – sleeping on the sofa. I have no idea where all these ideas come from in her mind. She also told Chris that ‘a man told her off for biting a princess’. Looking back, perhaps this was a precursor to events the following week.
These last few weeks have been difficult. Last Thursday I gave myself 0 out of 10 as a good parent. I feel like a complete failure some days.
Little Wilbs still continues to not sleep. I took him to a cranial osteopath who said that he could still be shocked from his birth (cue me feeling infinitely guilty for choosing an elective c-section). She also said that he was suffering some aches and pains due to his odd position in the womb (cue guilt for having a totally rubbish anatomy for carrying children). Anyway, she said that she could help by treating him. We’re yet to see the benefits of this – if there are to be any – because Wilbur is cutting what looks like 4 teeth and has a cough and temperature to go with it. Deep teething joy. Chris and I have averaged 4 hours broken sleep per night for the last 4 or 5 nights. I haven’t exactly kept my cool 100% of the time as a result. Next weekend we plan to ship Joni off to Mam’s house and crack the not feeding Wilbur in the night thing. Let’s see what happens.
So last week one day, I was tired and he was tired. Joni was fine. We went to visit my lovely friend for a big plate of noodles and a good catch up. It was all going well (as well as it can go with two adults, 3 children and a lot of sticky rice in wagamamas) until we stopped later on for coffee and Joni was a little bit wired. She was doing her usual over affectionate climbing all over her little friend and then out of nowhere she bit her. I thought only horrible children bit other children. Badly brought up children bite. Joni bit her friend. Really hard. I was mortified. I still am mortified. I have been trying to work out why she did it. Attention? Experimenting? I have no idea, Chris and I were both so shocked. We need to make sure she knows it’s really wrong but how? She’s two – there’s not much she can understand about the nuances of discipline. I told her it was wrong and that it was upsetting. I made her say sorry to her friend and her Mum. I made her say sorry to Chris and me. Any advice? Like I say, I’d like to nip this in the bud, as it were. I know lots of children go through this phase and I know children do things that are naughty all the time but biting?! Urgh.
Not all is bad though. We are moving house, just down the road opposite the school that Joni and Wilbs will go to. The house is bigger and not as pretty but a LOT more practical and I know we’ll make it lovely to live in. I feel really peaceful about moving. First Days is also going really well, I am really enjoying having something that I do that isn’t just nappy changing and feeling sad about the fact that I can’t face undertaking any form of ‘messy play’ with the little ones. ALSO, I am playing netball again. Whilst I am still incredibly overweight, and very unfit because of it, I feel really good to be playing again. I love that game.