Wilbur’s birth story starts long before last Friday morning. It starts when Joni was born, in fact. The experience and lasting effects of Joni’s birth could have easily resulted in Wilbur not existing at all. Once we found out we were pregnant with our second child thoughts about birth consumed me. It’s a cliche, but the 8 months leading up to Wilbur’s birth were quite an emotional journey.
For a few months I buried my head in the sand, pretended it wouldn’t happen at all and had nightmares about it. Then, one day I decided that we should get some help to process what happened with Joni. The first step was to get hold of my notes from the old hospital, I was so scared of reading them. I was convinced they would say that I hadn’t tried hard enough and everything that happened was my fault. Of course they didn’t.
We then decided that we could do with a little more help. A friend introduced me to Lisa, who is a local Doula. She also offers sessions of birth reflections counselling, we bravely asked her to come over and help us. We had two sessions of two hours. It was the best decision we made in this pregnancy. We processed Joni’s birth, learned things about each other and how we both felt and then were able to focus on our options for the next birth. Lisa’s help was invaluable. If you have had a traumatic birth experience I would urge you to get this sort of help, either on your own or as a couple. Lisa also encouraged Chris and I to spend more quality time together, which we did, and this really helped us prepare for Wilbur’s birth too.
The second best decision we made in this pregnancy was regular visits to an osteopath. I suffered badly in my pregnancy with Joni with Pelvic Girdle Pain or SPD. My Mum persuaded me (and gave me some money!) to see Kul, who is actually some sort of Osteopath Sent From Heaven. He significantly reduced the pain I was in and up until week 35 it was manageable. From week 35 onwards me and the baby were just too big for it not to be very painful. He also said that if my pelvis was in the position it was in at my first appointment when I gave birth to Joni then it’s no wonder she was stuck in a weird position.
So, we had decisions to make.
I saw my consultant and a consultant midwife to discuss VBAC vs. Elective Caesarean. In the end we all agreed: if this baby is in the same position that Joni was in and if the pain presents itself in my back then I do not have to try for a VBAC as it is likely to end in a section anyway.
Chris and I decided this: we would book an Elective Caesarean and if I went into spontaneous labour before that date that we would see what would happen … But we knew one thing for sure: we were in control of ensuring this baby made the safest entry into the world: an entry that didn’t traumatise his Mummy.