Middle of February feelings:
Having spoken to a few people about being pregnant for the second time I am beginning to realise that it had the potential to be worse than the first.
Symptoms appear sooner and stronger. You can’t rest – you already have a child. You can’t stop when it all gets too much. You know what is to come.
That’s it. I know what is to come.
I am scared that what is to come won’t come. I wasn’t really too worried about miscarriage in my first pregnancy – I am now petrified. I feel like now I really know what I could lose because I have a healthy and lovely child I desperately cannot lose this one. Yet I have convinced myself that it won’t survive the gruelling 9 months. Why should
I get all the luck only a year after my first baby? It’s irrational I know but it’s a real fear.
I also know what’s to come – the birth, the recovery, the agony of establishing breastfeeding, the sleepless nights … But this time it’ll all be with a 19 month old toddler to care for too.
I mean we did plan it this way – but I am now unusually scared.